on ‘The TrauMonster’
Something really special happened this April and I’m still wrapping my head around it.
An extremely talented cinematographer, Shelby Zoe Coley (@shelbyworks) released a visual self portrait of me! I think I’ve always hidden behind my work as a way to stay invisible. With my art, I’ve always disliked speaking about it in larger settings—avoiding artist talks or direct communication. When I had a 9-5, I hid behind systems or user data to argue why my work was legit. Even in what resonates with me for design is this idea that the best design is invisible, unseen—form following function and all that (but seriously, would you rather read the words and understand what I’m typing or worry about why the shape of the r is so strange?).
Since I moved to NY in 2017, which I recently realized with friends was the beginning of my Saturn Return, I’ve been dabbling in the Art of being Seen. It was painful sometimes, extremely embarrassing, literally like pulling teeth. I didn’t enjoy being seen because, honestly, I didn’t even know who I really was comfortable Being. So every time a friend approached me for an interview, talk, photo, or feature, it never felt true to me, and would further the internalized teenage thoughts in my head that “nobody understands me” …which was true tbh: I didn’t even understand myself.
This something really special that happened in April was the first time since just before my Saturn Return that I felt seen and expressed in a way that felt true to myself. The last time was with a fellow heartbroken human who shared hardly anything in common with me except good conversation, fucking, and the desire to never be alone too long with our thoughts. They were a photographer and were able to capture me on film in ways I never thought possible. I thought I was in love, but in fact, he was just a catalyst—the beginning of an incredible new journey which, of course he knew all along.
Some people are just talented in this way though, and I hardly knew myself or my world enough to understand the gift I was given was not a soul mate (how…basic), but a glimpse at a new life—a life where I could be seen, heard, respected and loved in platonic, erotic, any and all the types of ways I want, in all my multiplicities.
So when a friend’s roommate decided to come to a show I was in and asked if I would be interested in filming a visual self portrait with her, I was so curious at what would manifest. She came by the last week of the show, we filmed her concept, and this past April it all came together. I have no words for the gratitude I felt in not only her wanting to spend her energy and labor on this project, but also in the way she was able to capture my work and my self so well together. …It helped that I didn’t have to talk, but I really do believe that if I did, it still would have turned out perfect.
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A visual portrait titled ‘The TrauMonster’ by Shelby Zoe Coley, Art by Trishia Frulla
From Shelby:
Presenting a portrait of The TrauMonster by @trishiafrulla w/ cinematography by @shelbyworks
Back in November, my roommate @kalamispiritarts took me to @hypofutures exhibit The Death of Me, “a multi-media exploration of grief and loss.” Spellbound by the hand-crotched creature emerged from under Trishia’s bed, I returned to film a portrait of Trishia with her TrauMonsters.
In this installation, “Trishia revisits self in her most vulnerable space. Daily memorials from years ago are displayed congruently with current, in process portraits executed through crochet. These fiber pieces are filled with remnants of Trishia’s past and present, and are embellished with flowers in places memories have imprinted on her own physical body. Through locating and remembering her trauma, Trishia faces her own grief and softly asks us how we might help each other do the same.”
Music: “are u okay?” Lizzy McAlpine
